The Apocalypse is Coming: Preparing Your Feet for the End of the World
Posted by Jenn F. on Friday, December 14th, 2012
If the Mayans were right and the end of the world is just days away (and the Mayans were right about everything, right?) we’re all going to need a plan for making sure our lower extremities are in good working order. After all, when the planes fall from the sky, the highways are jammed with cars, and the trains fly off their tracks in movie-style apocalyptic flames, your feet will be your only salvation. They’ll carry you to safety. They’ll support your weight as you lift a boulder off your loved one. They’ll protect you when nothing else can. That is, if anything can protect a single puny human from God’s great fury. So, while you’re stockpiling emergency rations, fresh water, batteries, and prayers, don’t forget your feet.
You’ll need good, comfortable shoes for outrunning lava, avalanches from the Himalayas, large cracks in the Earth, and the Four Horsemen. Your shoes are going to make you or break you at the apocalypse. Can you imagine trying to sprint in heels, clogs, or flip flops? One misstep and you’re a goner: you’ll get crushed by a meteor, drowned by a tidal wave, or fall unfathomable leagues into the burning center of the Earth. You need some high quality, all terrain running sneakers with excellent grip, lateral support, and durability. In fact, perhaps you should consider investing in several pairs. With all that brimstone, you may find you wear them out slightly more quickly than usual. If you’re going for style, might I suggest Nike Lebron’s 2012 Apocalypse Custom Kicks (below).
As the end approaches, a nice foot massage will be just the thing. You may be thinking about what you’ll do in your last few minutes. Most people say they’ll spend that time with family, sitting around, playing board games, or reminiscing about the good old days. Instead of getting all morbid and surly, convince your significant to give you a nice long foot massage. There’s no doubt about it: relaxation is the best way to face certain doom.
Foot problems be damned, for once in your life, don’t worry about them. Every one of us worries about the future. We may hate our jobs but we don’t quit. We may plan to quit–save up, cut expenses, even plan a vacation–but when the time comes, most of us are too afraid to cut ourselves loose. We have so many burdens and worries. As we know well here at Healing Feet, foot pain is one of them. Have you got a nagging pain in your big toe? Are you concerned a bunion might be starting to form? Are you scheduled to visit The Center for Podiatric Care and Sports Medicine (212.996.1900) three weeks from now? The best news about the end of the world is you can stop worrying about the future. Your feet will last you another few days and right now, that’s all that matters.
Orthotics from your podiatrist will make standing in line at the pearly gates a lot more comfortable. This is so obvious it hurts. Get yourself some arch support. Who knows if they have orthotics in heaven.
If you have any foot problems or pain, contact The Center for Podiatric Care and Sports Medicine. Dr. Josef J. Geldwert, Dr. Katherine Lai, Dr. Ryan Minara and Dr. Mariola Rivera have helped thousands of people get back on their feet. Unfortunately, we cannot give diagnoses or treatment advice online. Please make an appointment to see us if you live in the NY metropolitan area or seek out a podiatrist in your area.